Am trying to learn how to be the best I can be.
Requires breaking lifetime acceptance of family ostracism, isolation
- trusted as true - thought normal
need for family acceptance dissipated with career - passion for real estate. set and surpassed goals, competed with self only; collaborated with nurturing colleagues - still a people pleaser who shared commissions,
thankful personal accomplishments enhanced by positive environment
When success published in newspaper, family read and assaulted - became ashamed. Complied with family demand - 6 ECT treatments. Lost positive self identity.
Sought professional help to fix me for decades - no strok…
Am trying to learn how to be the best I can be.
Requires breaking lifetime acceptance of family ostracism, isolation
- trusted as true - thought normal
need for family acceptance dissipated with career - passion for real estate. set and surpassed goals, competed with self only; collaborated with nurturing colleagues - still a people pleaser who shared commissions,
thankful personal accomplishments enhanced by positive environment
When success published in newspaper, family read and assaulted - became ashamed. Complied with family demand - 6 ECT treatments. Lost positive self identity.
Sought professional help to fix me for decades - no strokes, just strategies. Advised family extremely dysfunctional - get away. Hit by car 2001; didn't realize injured until co-workers & coach pointed out falling, slurred speech, glazed eyes. Determined to beat grim Stanford diagnosis and succeeded betting brain back. Second onset PTSD after family attacked; though unintended, choices consistent with 'crazy' 'invisible' labels.
Am not crazy - never was. I yearn to overcome paralyzing fear. Have studied for decades - understand intellectually, emotions overwhelm. Would love to volunteer again, to work, have a place to live with my four maltese - gave up dream my kids would want to know me, or even be proud of me - leaped at every perceived bonding opportunity - then dumped, devastated when told it was sadistic game.
In summary, want to live modestly among others who will have me. Though found on north shore Oahu, per kids request 15 years ago returned home to Silicon Valley. Am 63 on SSI, hard to save.
