我打算预约看牙,但想先看看车有没有问题——处理车的事好像更紧急重要,而看车似乎应该很快。 结果看车耽搁了一天,打电话也就耽搁了一天。今天打的电话,约到下周三;而今天也是周三。 于是我觉得:如果昨天打,也许可以约到今天;今天打,则比”主干”迟看牙一周。
先把两个词定住。 主干:从我出生到此刻,实实在在走过的那一串——叫它主干,只因为它是唯一发生过的那一条,不因为它更重要或更好。 枝:从主干上某一点起,我们说”若当时不那样”,于是引出一条线——而画的那一笔不在主干里:那一段发生里没有一处岔口,岔口是我们标的。 两者合起来看像一棵树,严格说却不是:是一条线,加上一堆我们画的线;它们像枝,只因为接在主干上,而”接”这个动作也是我们做的。
而须当场指出一处:本文开头那句”今天打,则比’主干’迟看牙一周”,其中的”主干”已经不指实际发生了。 今天打、约到下周三,这才是实际发生的那一支;而那句话里的”主干”指的是”昨天打、今天看上牙”——一条没有发生过的枝。 那句话把枝叫成了主干,而写下它的时候并没有察觉。它留在那儿,因为它本身就是一个标本。
而那棵树的形状,并非保持不变。
在更早的时间点,我能看到…
Read more我打算预约看牙,但想先看看车有没有问题——处理车的事好像更紧急重要,而看车似乎应该很快。 结果看车耽搁了一天,打电话也就耽搁了一天。今天打的电话,约到下周三;而今天也是周三。 于是我觉得:如果昨天打,也许可以约到今天;今天打,则比”主干”迟看牙一周。
先把两个词定住。 主干:从我出生到此刻,实实在在走过的那一串——叫它主干,只因为它是唯一发生过的那一条,不因为它更重要或更好。 枝:从主干上某一点起,我们说”若当时不那样”,于是引出一条线——而画的那一笔不在主干里:那一段发生里没有一处岔口,岔口是我们标的。 两者合起来看像一棵树,严格说却不是:是一条线,加上一堆我们画的线;它们像枝,只因为接在主干上,而”接”这个动作也是我们做的。
而须当场指出一处:本文开头那句”今天打,则比’主干’迟看牙一周”,其中的”主干”已经不指实际发生了。 今天打、约到下周三,这才是实际发生的那一支;而那句话里的”主干”指的是”昨天打、今天看上牙”——一条没有发生过的枝。 那句话把枝叫成了主干,而写下它的时候并没有察觉。它留在那儿,因为它本身就是一个标本。
而那棵树的形状,并非保持不变。
在更早的时间点,我能看到这两个分支吗? 看不到——或者说,不能像现在这样”清晰”地看到。 那时我看到的是:可能迟一天、迟一周、不迟、甚至还可能早(晚约理论上可能约到更早的,若有人临时取消)。
现在只剩两支。而这不是四支里我挑了两支——是那几支不见了。 被后来的事收走了:号已经给到下周三,“不迟”“还可能早”就没了立足之处。修剪的是后来的事实,不是我的判断。
而误认在于:我们把当下这个形状回填到了过去——以为以前看也是这两个分支。 回填毫无察觉,因为那几支消失时没有一个删除动作被记下来:不是被划掉,是从此不再出现。
其次,现在这份”清晰”本身也不清晰。“昨天打能约到今天”只是个猜想——没有人查过。于是”迟了一周”这个差额,一端是硬的(下周三,人家给的号),一端是软的(今天,从未被查证)——而我们把它当成一个确定的数在心疼。
而最要紧的是:那时候我并不知道车没啥大问题,不知道修车要花多久。“先看车”正是在不知道的情况下做的判断;而现在知道了,那个动作就显得像白耽误了一天。 可”白耽误”这句话,只有拿到那条信息之后才说得出口——那个反事实的成立,需要一份当时不存在的信息。
再进一步:即使牙医确认”昨天几点约就能约到今天”,那一支的身份也没变。 他核实的是一条记录(那个号昨天是空的,排班表上写着);而我要的是一条走法(我拿起电话、线没占、没人先拿走、接线的人报了这个号、我今天来了)——这条走法一次也没有发生过。记录是硬的,走法是造的;而我们把前者的硬度转给了后者。 要点不在他答得多,在他每一次答的都是同一类东西:再问”那我前天打呢”“大前天呢”,他照样答得出来——而每一次答的都是一条空号记录,不是一条我的走法。排班记录支撑”那个号昨天是空的”,支撑得很好;它不支撑”我会拿到它”,因为它对我打没打电话、线占不占、有没有人先拿走,一个字也没说。
而朝前那一个同样是构造:我今天约了下周三,那么下周三就能看上牙——此刻这也是个头脑构造物(医生可能病假,我可能有事)。两句要的东西完全一样:一条没有发生过的走法;而我们只对朝后那一个起疑。
由此落到最后一处:这体现了文化把反事实、头脑构造物当真。
文化中,昨天我是可以打电话的——即使我实际上没打。 这句话在文化里不是一个猜测,是一条关于我的属性,跟”我会说中文”同一种语气。
而这批属性是互不相容的,只是从来没有被摆在一起过。 昨天那个时段只有一个空号,而想约的人不止我一个。今天我们各自懊恼”昨天打就好了”——我这句成立要求乙没打,乙那句成立要求我没打;两句同时成立,而世界那边只有一个号。 文化可以让我和乙同时遗憾昨天没打电话,虽然总共只有一个空号。
而这不是我们各自算错了。是每一条”本来可以”在生成时,都把别人当成了不动的:我造那条枝时其余一切照抄——包括乙那天照旧没打;而我不需要多想一步,因为那条枝是照着我的愿望配出来的,而乙不在我的愿望里。 所以每一条”本来可以”,都是在一个”只有我在动、别人都定住”的世界里成立的——而那个世界,一人一个。
检验很省:把两个人的懊恼摆在一张桌上。 平时不会摆——各记各的,一辈子不对账;而一摆上,那个号就只有一个。 不是有人错了,是那批账目从设计上就不必兼容。
而不必两个人才撞车,一个人也够:我昨天”本可以”打电话约牙,同时也”本可以”早点去修车、本可以送孩子、本可以把那份东西交了——每一条都成立,而它们要的是同一段昨天下午。
文化中,人是可以做到他没做到的事情的——比如提前做出一个在事后看是合理的决定。
而这一句里藏着一个逆流的动作:合理性是事后才有的(我现在知道车没大问题,所以”先看车”显得不合理),而它被要求当时就在。 被要求的不是”当时做个合理的决定”,是”当时做出一个用后来的信息判定为合理的决定”——而这需要的东西只有一个名字:预知。
所以文化里那个”人”,不是一个我们观察到的东西,是一个由要求反推出来的东西:先有要追责的需要,再有一个能被追责的对象,而那个对象必须具备”本可以”和”本该预知”这两样。
——那个”人”,是由他没做过的事构成的。
而这套东西还有一个后果:我们可能会视喜爱的那条枝为”主干”。 怎么看出来?看他在哪条线上算账——说”今年比去年好些了”,基准是实际那条;说”这才到哪儿,本来早就该……”,基准是那条枝。 于是实际发生的那一条反倒成了偏离:主干成了枝,枝成了主干。 而这个倒转是无声的,因为两者都是线,换一条来当主干,看起来一模一样。
Abstract
I meant to book the dentist, but wanted first to check the car—the car seemed more urgent, and checking it seemed quick. The car took a day longer, so the call was a day late. I called today and got next Wednesday; today is Wednesday too. So I feel: had I called yesterday I might have got today; calling today puts me a week behind the “trunk.”
One thing must be flagged at once: in the opening sentence, “calling today puts me a week behind the trunk,” the word “trunk” no longer refers to what actually happened. Calling today and getting next Wednesday is the actual branch; the “trunk” of that sentence means “called yesterday, seen today”—a branch that never occurred. That sentence calls a branch the trunk, and it was written without noticing. It is left standing, because it is itself a specimen.
But the shape of that tree does not stay fixed.
At an earlier point, could I see these two branches? No—or not with the present “clarity.” What I saw then was: perhaps a day late, perhaps a week, perhaps not late at all, perhaps even earlier (a late call may catch a cancellation).
Now only two remain. And it is not that I chose two out of four—the others are gone. Later facts took them: the slot is now next Wednesday, so “not late” and “even earlier” have nowhere to stand. What prunes is later fact, not my judgment.
The misreading: we backfill the present shape into the past—taking it that we saw these same two branches then. The backfilling goes unnoticed because no act of deletion was ever recorded: they were not struck out; they simply stopped appearing.
Second, the present “clarity” is not clear either. “Yesterday’s call would have got today” is only a guess—no one checked. So the shortfall “a week late” is hard at one end (next Wednesday, the slot I was given) and soft at the other (today, never verified)—and we grieve over it as a definite figure.
Most importantly: at the time I did not know the car had no real problem, nor how long a repair would take. “Car first” was a judgment made in that ignorance; now that I know, the move looks like a day wasted. But “wasted” can only be said once that information is in hand—the counterfactual requires information that did not exist at the time.
Further: even if the dentist confirms “a call at such an hour yesterday would have got today,” the status of that branch is unchanged. He verifies a record (the slot was free yesterday; it is on the schedule); what I want is a course (I lift the phone, the line is free, no one takes it first, the receptionist offers that slot, I come today)—a course that never occurred. The record is hard; the course is constructed; and we transfer the hardness of the first to the second. The point is not how many he can answer but that each answer is of one kind: ask “and the day before?” and “the day before that?” and he answers them all—each time with a record of a free slot, never with a course of mine. The schedule supports “the slot was free yesterday,” and supports it well; it does not support “I would have got it,” because it says nothing about whether I called, whether the line was busy, whether someone took it first.
And the forward one is equally a construct: I booked next Wednesday, so I shall be seen next Wednesday—this too, right now, is a construct of the head (the dentist may fall ill; I may be called away). Both sentences want the same thing: a course that has not occurred. And we suspect only the backward one.
Hence the last point: this displays a culture taking counterfactuals, constructs of the head, for real.
In the culture, I could have telephoned yesterday—even though I did not. In the culture this is not a guess but a property of me, in the same tone as “I speak Chinese.”
And these properties are mutually incompatible; they have simply never been set side by side. Yesterday there was one free slot, and more than one person wanting it. Today we each regret not having called—my regret requires that the other did not call, and his requires that I did not; both hold at once, while the world holds one slot. The culture lets me and the other regret, together, not having called yesterday, though there was only one slot in all.
And this is not a miscalculation on either side. Each “could have” is generated with everyone else held fixed: making my branch, I copy the rest over—including his not having called; and I need think no further, because the branch was fitted to my wish, and he is not in my wish. So every “could have” holds in a world where only I move and everyone else stands still—and there is one such world per person.
The test is cheap: set two people’s regrets on one table. Ordinarily they never are—each keeps his own books and they are never reconciled; and once set together, there is only one slot. No one has erred; those ledgers were simply never required to be compatible.
Nor does it take two: one person suffices. Yesterday I “could have” called the dentist, and equally “could have” taken the car in earlier, “could have” collected my child, “could have” sent that document—each holds, and all of them want the same yesterday afternoon.
In the culture, a person can do what he did not do—for instance, make in advance a decision that is, in hindsight, reasonable.
And here a current runs backwards: reasonableness arrives afterwards (I now know the car was fine, so “car first” looks unreasonable) and is then required to have been there at the time. What is demanded is not “make a reasonable decision then” but “make then a decision judged reasonable by information that came later”—and what that requires has only one name: foreknowledge.
So the “person” in the culture is not something we observed but something reverse-engineered from a requirement: first the need to hold someone accountable, then an object that can be held, and that object must possess both “could have” and “should have foreseen.”
—That “person” is constituted by what he did not do.
One further consequence: we may take a branch we are fond of for the “trunk.” How to tell? See on which line he keeps his accounts—“better this year than last” reckons against the actual line; “and look where I am, I should long since have—” reckons against the branch. The actual line thereby becomes the deviation: the trunk becomes a branch, the branch the trunk. And the inversion is silent, since both are lines: swap which counts as trunk and nothing looks different.